November 10, 2015
Yes, fellow Marbella tax payers, or not, the judicial guillotine has come slicing down on Marbella’s most famous brown envelope robbing bastards of our time.
Time has finally been called on the financial binge that was started by the original fat bastard Jesus Gill (even Viz Comic couldn’t come up with a character so unbelievable)
Believe it or not I actually thought Jesus Gill, and trust me his first name has nothing to do with the almighty, in fact if someone hadn’t moved the rock the real Jesus would be turning in his cave, was a good fellow. As I owned a restaurant in the Old Town back in the day, and had scores of heroin addicts either dying in my doorway or robbing my clients blind for the next fix, when the then “Almighty” came into power all my daily bagging up off last nights overdoses stopped. Wow… my clients returned, the streets were cleaner than ever before, you know in those days when we had a down pour all you could see washing down the street were syringes, and things looked bright for Marbella, I guess the Germans thought that in 1936. Not that I am equating Gill with that dark time in European history, but you know when your people are at their lowest… here comes the devil.
Anyway I digress, or maybe not, every crime is like a book, it has a beginning a middle and an end.
And once upon a time there was this really fat giant that wanted to be the King of Marbella, and he got all his friends to work for him and do his bidding. All of this was fine at the beginning as the town had become really dirty and it was full of whores and heroin addicts, which most people really didn’t like. The really fat giant realised this and knew if he promised to clean the town of all the bad girls and addicts them the people would make him King of all Marbella, and so they did and all was fine in the Kingdom of Marbella. But then dark forces saw how fine the King of Marbella lived and wanted to build their own houses within his kingdom.
They came from far and wide, English, German, French, Scandinavian, all wanting a piece of the Kings land, but there was no land left to build on, what was the King to do?
All these empty fields, and people from far away lands offering gold coins and untold riches to build on them. But there was a problem, the King wasn’t allowed to build on the empty fields as the Mighty Emperor of the whole World said they were green lands for the people to use for their leisure. So the King got his best friend, the evil Juan Roca to change all the paperwork so that the people from far off lands could build huge, ugly blocks of flats for the Irish to buy, because some Tiger from Celtic lands said it would be a good idea.
Anyway time passed in the Kingdom of Marbella and the King got fatter and fatter, so fat he had to take a bath in a huge jacuzzi with two well endowed girls in it, they only just fitted, and it had to be broadcast on National TV. Eventually having got so fat and old, the King eventually exploded and was no more, having escaped some of the Emperors jail time for some dubious clothing deal with the Emperor’s football team.
It was at this time that the evil Dr Roca, the Kings Sheriff of Nottingham or planning officer really lost the plot, and started taking all the gold coins he could off the people from far away lands so they could build their horrible blocks of flats and ruin the Kingdom. Of course the King couldn’t give a flying jacuzzi full of whores, he was dead already, and when all the kingdom’s people realised they had lost all their green land and they couldn’t see the sea any more because there was a huge box in front of them full of crazy people from far away lands shouting and drinking and just, to be fair dressing really badly and not looking the part, they had to ask the Emperor to help take the Kings men and women to task for the crimes they had committed.
And so it was, almost a generation later that finally all the Kings men and women were sentenced for their crimes against Marbella, it’s people and its lands.
These included former city planning chief Juan Antonio Roca, who was jailed for 11 years and fined 240m euros (£202m, $300m) for pocketing huge sums.
Marisol Yague and Julian Munoz received sentences of six and two years, respectively.
A total of 85 men and women were accused in what is thought to be the biggest-ever case of local political corruption in Spanish history. Roca, who managed the city’s planning department in the 1990s, became one of Spain’s richest men before he was accused of masterminding the corruption. He was initially given the job at the peak of Marbella’s construction boom by the then King of Marbella Jesus Gil, who died in 2004.
I would like to say we all lived happily ever after, and we do of course in Marbella, but then… oh no! the Emperor of all Spain has started behaving like the old King of Marbella and taking money for things that people from far away lands want him to do… And we all lived happily looking over our shoulder, wondering what time the next flight to Casablanca would leave